


User Interface

by Socchan



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe
Genre: Blanket Permission, Humor, Other, Podfic Available, Podfic Welcome, SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-12
Updated: 2012-07-12
Packaged: 2017-11-09 20:27:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/458035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Socchan/pseuds/Socchan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Darcy approaches Tony about a few upgrades.</p>
            </blockquote>





	User Interface

"Tony! How's my favorite genius inventor doing?"

Tony looked up from the watch he'd been modifying to see Darcy Lewis waltz into his workshop. "That depends; did Pepper send you here to make me go to sleep?" Pepper was devious like that; at least when she sent someone down with food, he didn't have to leave the lab.

"Nah, you're safe from the sandman for now."

"In that case, I'm peachy. How about you, Geraldine? You come down here for a reason, or are you just here to bask in my awesomeness?"

"Actually I came to ask a favor." Darcy sidled up to the table he was working at. "You know how a gal has certain needs..."

Tony leered at her. "And you wanted me to help you out with those?"

Darcy rolled her eyes. "Not directly, you horndog. I've got some silicone that's been doing the job, but frankly, it could use some upgrades."

"So you came to see if I would design you some fancier toys." Tony had to admit he was interested. It had been years since he'd made a sex toy, if you didn't count the reinforced handcuffs he kept under his bed. Or the special red-and-gold vibrating prostate stimulator he'd treated himself to for his birthday. And really, if there was anyone who _wasn't_ turned on by the Suit, he didn't want to know about them. So maybe he should amend that to 'he hadn't made a sex toy for anyone who wasn't involved in his sex life' in years.

Darcy slow-clapped. "Give the man a prize, he really is a genius!"

Tony jabbed a screwdriver in her direction. "Watch it, or I'll include a sensor that turns off the batteries within two minutes of being put to use."

Darcy meeped. "You are a brilliant, kind, and generous man, and I am incredibly thankful that you're taking time out of your busy schedule to improve my life?"

"That's better." Tony shoved the now forgotten watch aside and pulled up a tablet, sketching ideas. "Anything specific you want for this toy of yours, or just 'more sophisticated'? Something to hook it up to your iPod, maybe?" He'd seen some vibes that did that, though obviously he'd have to tweak the design to take more variables into consideration; beat and bass level were obvious, but there was a lot more to music.

"Actually, there's this guy I've kinda been seeing," Darcy said. "We don't exactly have direct contact at the moment..."

"Doing the long distance thing, huh? I know how that goes."

Darcy snorted. "Please. You have your own private jet. If you ever wanted a booty call, you could either fly to them, or fly them to you. Any phone sex you were involved in was just for the experience."

"Okay, point," Tony conceded. "So you want, what, something that'll hook up to Skype?"

Darcy nodded. "Something like that, yeah. Really, anything that he could get a connection to, so I don't feel like I'm the only one there."

"You got it, Darce." Tony turned back to his plans, ideas already swirling in his brain. "I should have something for you by tomorrow."

Darcy grinned and gave him a quick hug. "Thanks, Tony; you rock."

"Yeah, I know. Now get out of my lab, hotpants; I've got work to do." Tossing him a goofy salute, Darcy turned and double-timed it out.

"We really are quite grateful for your assistance on this matter, Sir," JARVIS said when the door had closed behind Darcy. "I admit, I was not entirely certain what your reaction would be, but you've taken it quite well."

Tony shrugged. "Yeah, well, you know what a giving, generous - wait, 'we'? JARVIS, _you're_ Darcy's long-distance boyfriend?"

JARVIS made a sound imitating a polite cough. "In that the distance between the two of us could be considered very great, given that I cannot currently physically touch her, nor she I, then yes, Sir, I am."

Tony fumbled for a chair and sat down hard. He needed a moment to come to terms with the fact that the computer program he'd designed to run his house was in a romantic, soon to be sexual, relationship with Jane Foster's smoking hot lab assistant. "Shit," he said at last. "Daddy's little AI is growing up."

"Indeed, Sir."

**Author's Note:**

> After the second fic I read in which someone had a crush on JARVIS, I really couldn't resist.
> 
> Edit: Now with a [podfic](http://starduchess.livejournal.com/203909.html) by the lovely StarDuchess, whose services I purchased in a fundraiser. Go listen and shower compliments upon them!
> 
> Edit 2: Now with a _second_ [podfic](http://reena-jenkins.dreamwidth.org/382814.html), this one by the fabulous Reena Jenkins! Such surprise, so happiness :)


End file.
